Supporting Others on Their Fertility Journey: Tips for Being a Compassionate Ally
If someone you know is navigating a challenging fertility journey, you may wonder what you can do to help them. Unfortunately, you can’t wave a magic wand and give them a baby, although we wish it were that easy. What you can do is support them through each step of their journey, no matter where it takes them.
It’s National Infertility Awareness Week® (NIAW), and we want to empower you to advocate for your loved ones as they try to grow their families. Let’s discuss some ways you can be a compassionate ally.
1. Validate Their Feelings
Studies show that patients struggling to conceive report feelings of depression, anxiety, isolation, and loss of control. However, despite 1 in 8 couples facing fertility issues, most don’t share their story with family or friends.
Asking open-ended questions like, “What can I do to support you?” or “What do you need during this time?” can help open the door to a productive dialogue. If your loved one speaks up, listen to them and validate their emotions. Infertility can be an emotional rollercoaster, and there’s no right or wrong way to feel about it.
2. Don’t Make Comparisons
While usually said with good intentions, certain phrases can hurt those struggling with fertility. Examples of these expressions include:
- “I know a friend who…”
- “Have you tried…”
- “If you just stopped stressing…”
- “Maybe you can adopt…”
- “This worked for me…”
Every person’s family-building journey is different, so comparing their situation to someone else’s can make them feel like they're doing something wrong. This can cause more stress than reassurance.
3. Be Sensitive
Being pregnant and raising a child is not easy, as any parent can attest to. However, if you’re expecting a new addition or already have kids of your own, try to avoid complaining to someone struggling with their fertility.
Consider the perspective of someone who desperately wants a child — they’d do anything to deal with the aches and pains of pregnancy or the sleepless nights that come with caring for a newborn. Your complaints could be a saddening reminder of what they don’t have.
That doesn’t mean you can’t ever talk about your own parenthood journey. Just be mindful of what you say to someone facing fertility-related complications.
4. Keep Them Involved
Someone struggling to grow their family may feel uncomfortable attending child birthday parties or other occasions centered around kids. However, it’s important to send them an invite anyway. Let them know it’s okay if they don’t want to come, but that you’d never exclude them. This simple gesture can go a long way in showing support for someone going through a difficult time.
Seeking Quality Fertility Support
Compassionate allies are crucial pillars of support for individuals struggling to grow their families. The key is to be patient and sensitive and to allow your loved one to express their feelings without fear of judgment.
At Chelsea Fertility of New York City, we understand the challenges infertile individuals and couples face. That’s why we offer compassionate care to anyone who wants to become a parent. Contact us today for more information.
