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Chelsea Fertility NYC Blog

Talking about Having a Miscarriage: You’re Not Alone

by Chelsea Fertility NYCPosted in InfertilityAugust 29th, 2019

Many women who have experienced a miscarriage or multiple miscarriages (also known as recurrent/repeat miscarriage) report that one of the most difficult parts of recovery is the sense of isolation they feel. For some women, their choice is to keep the fact of their miscarriage to themselves, a decision that is 100% okay – sharing information about your health is entirely at your own discretion. For others, the desire to talk about the miscarriage is present, but maybe you’re unsure how to go about it and worry about how it will be received.

We all wish that our family and friends could be the perfect audience for moments of turmoil – great at listening, compassionate, empathetic, nonjudgmental, and capable of saying the right thing exactly when you need it. Unfortunately, even the best-intentioned audience might not hit the mark on all of those points. This is all right; humans are humans, we try our best – though it would be nice if talking about subjects like having a miscarriage were at least a bit easier.

The physicians of Chelsea Fertility understand that our patients who experience a miscarriage may struggle to communicate in the days, weeks, even months after the event. We wanted to provide some helpful advice to consider during this time.

  • Even if the experience feels lonely at the time, know that you are not alone. About 10%-15% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. There is a decent chance that someone in your life has already experienced one or will at some point.
  • There no right way to grieve. Sometimes, our concerns about how we are perceived can be overwhelming. Sometimes, having a miscarriage can make more of an emotional impact on some women, whereas others find that the impact varies. You’re allowed to grieve on your own terms, though we do encourage women to seek support where they feel most comfortable. Perhaps with a family member or friend, or perhaps on an online forum or support group.
  • If you need to and are able to take some time away from normal responsibilities for a short period, this might be the right time to do so. However, we fully recognize that this may not be realistic for everyone. Practicing some basic self-care when possible is ideal in situations like this. Take walks, have a bath, reread your favorite book, watch a movie you’ve wanted to see for a while, cook your favorite meal, try something new, etc.
  • You can be honest and straightforward with family members and friends about what you need as you recover. If you want space, you can politely ask for some. If you’d like to spend time with people or schedule a coffee date to talk, it’s okay to ask for this. The people in your life will want to help in any way they can while also respecting your wishes, so simply stating what you desire at the time can cut out any awkwardness.
  • Make sure you take some time to connect with your doctor to discuss future plans. If this is your first miscarriage, a fertility consultation probably won’t yet be advised. However, if recurrent miscarriage occurs, then you’ll want to schedule time with a fertility specialist to discuss options and possible screening. In the event you were already seeing a fertility specialist, he or she will want to discuss next steps – whether you wish to continue treatment at this time, whether continuing treatment soon is the advisable route, etc.

If you’re in need of a consultation with a fertility specialist after experiencing a miscarriage or multiple miscarriages, please contact Chelsea Fertility.